You’re a Success! But You Just Don’t Feel Like One?

Most people imagine that once they get that first “big break” their confidence will skyrocket. Self-doubt will melt away and they’ll finally feel like they belong among Hollywood’s heavy hitters. Sadly, this often isn’t the case. 

If you feel like a “fraud” after achieving career success, you’re not alone. Taika Waititi, Jordan Peele, Tina Fey, Lupita Nyong’o, Tom Hanks, Natalie Portman and many more of Hollywood’s most successful players struggle with impostor syndrome. 

Whether you just sold your first script, booked your first big role, were staffed on a high profile streaming series, or landed a job at a prominent agency - here are 5 tips to deal with impostor syndrome and find your self-confidence again:

1. Find the right tools.

Unfortunately for most people, impostor syndrome doesn’t just go away. It can pop up every time you get a new job, achieve a moment of success, or climb another rung higher on the Hollywood ladder. That being said, if you have the right strategies to deal with it when it does show up, it can get easier and easier to overcome. You just have to find the tools that work for you. Here are two to try:

Create a playlist: Have a ‘pump up’ playlist that you can listen to when you need a confidence boost. Maybe listen to it in the car on the way to a big executive meeting, or walking into a new writers room or big network pitch. Whatever music makes you feel like you can take on the world.

Try a positive mantra (or two): Mantras can feel kind of woo woo at first. But if you find the right one for you, it can make a big difference when the self-doubt creeps in. Maybe try a phrase that’s quietly reassuring like, “You’ve got this”. Or maybe you need something stronger like, “I’m a total badass and nobody can f*ck with me.” Also, say it out loud (trust me on this, it might feel awkward, but it makes it feel more true than just saying it in your head).

2. A little self care can go a long way.

If you have impostor syndrome and you’re going into your first big industry job remember, give it your all, but also value your physical and mental health. Falling into fatigue and bad habits will only make your impostor syndrome worse. So do your best to take care of the basics (exercise, eat right, get enough sleep). I know a work/life balance isn’t always realistic, but feeling physically and mentally healthy will help you show up more often for your ‘big Hollywood job’ with joy and excitement rather than doubt and anxiety.

3. Let perfectionism go.

If you’re riding your first big career success people expect you to be talented, passionate and a hard worker, but no one expects you to be perfect. So give yourself a break. Most people who suffer from impostor syndrome are scared of making a mistake for fear it will “out them as a fraud”. But mistakes aren’t proof you don’t belong, they’re an important part of any creative process. Try to embrace them as a learning experience. Also, if you do make a mistake, admit it (don’t make excuses or shift blame), find the lesson you can carry forward, let go of the rest, and then get on with it. A mistake doesn’t make you a fraud, it makes you human. (Also, when you admit a mistake, just say it straight out, don’t grovel.)

4. You’re in good company.

Sometimes, when you just can’t shake impostor syndrome, it can help to know you’re in good company. Here are a few words on impostor syndrome from some of Hollywood’s most successful:  

“Ah, the impostor syndrome!? The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania, and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh god, they’re on to me! I’m a fraud!’ So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud. Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.” - Tina Fey

“Writing, for me is a very lonely part of the process… I usually do veer between crushing self-doubt and an overwhelming sense of triumph.” - Taika Waititi

“It’s weird — sometimes [success] can be incredibly validating, but sometimes it can be incredibly unnerving and throw your balance off a bit, because you’re trying to reconcile how you feel about yourself with how the rest of the world perceives you.” - Emma Watson

“What’s it called when you have a disease and it keeps recurring? I go through [acute impostor syndrome] with every role. I think winning an Oscar may in fact have made it worse. Now I’ve achieved this, what am I going to do next? What do I strive for? Then I remember that I didn’t get into acting for the accolades, I got into it for the joy of telling stories.” - Lupita Nyong’o

“Make your motto: Why the f*ck not me?” - Mindy Kaling

5. You made it for a reason.

If you are lucky enough to work in this town, remember, you made it for a reason. You are more talented than you think you are, you are smarter than you think you are, and you deserve way more credit than you give yourself. Find small ways to remind yourself of this every day. Try thinking about yourself, even if it’s just for two minutes at a time, the way your best friend – who thinks you’re amazing - thinks about you. Give it a try.

How do you deal with impostor syndrome? Let me know @CaroleKirsch!

For more industry info and tips check out these additional resources:

For the ultimate guide to pitching a TV show that sells, check out my e-book, The Ultimate Guide to a Killer Pitch

To learn how to create your “personal logline” read my free e-book, Tell Your Story in 60 Seconds.

For my in-depth video course on breaking into the business go to: Carole Kirschner’s Hollywood Boot Camp.

And you can find my book, Hollywood Game Plan on Amazon or at Michael Wiese Productions (MWP).