The Logline
I’m back, and back to talking about Pitching TV Shows that Sell.
You know, most people I talk to online know me from one of the two programs I run — the WGA Showrunner Training Program, or the The Paramount / CBS Writer’s Mentoring Program.
But before I ran those, I actually worked for years as a senior level television development executive.
That combination — working with new and established showrunners, the brilliant emerging writers in the CBS program, and my years in development — gives me some unique insight into pitching — what the best get right, and where others tend to struggle and make mistakes.
I say this all the time, because it’s true and valuable to hear:
Pitching is a skill.
In fact, it is the skill I think most writers, at any level, can benefit from sharpening.
A few days ago I outlined the ten elements I think should be in every TV series pitch
The Ten Pieces of a Great Pitch:
1. INSPIRATION STORY
2. HOOK
3. LOGLINE (include genre/tone)
4. MAIN CHARACTER(S)
5. TONE
6. WORLD
7. STORY ENGINE/STRUCTURE
8. PILOT STORY
9. SEASON ARCS
10. CODA
And, I did a deep dive into two of them — The Hook and the Inspiration Story.
Today, I’m going to talk about loglines — why they’re so challenging, and the three-part process I use to craft powerful, compelling loglines.
But first, I want to take a moment to answer three great questions I got, based on the material we covered last week.
Three Great Questions
First: Luke Sharp asked me about how he could get on my email list, because he thinks it sounds like a great resource.
Thanks Luke! By the way, if you think that’s not a question about pitching, you’d be wrong, because pitching is something I talk about all the time in my emails!
If you’re not already getting my emails, click here to sign up. I’ll also send you my latest ebook, The Ultimate Guide to Pitching a TV Show that Sells.
Lori Soda asked, “Question about the personal inspiration hook. That seems easier for autobiographical/drama etc. but what about comedy or supernatural horror. Do I just say what themes or obstacles I was drawn to exploring?”
This is a great question, and one that doesn’t have a simple answer.
A great inspiration story is designed to help the person hearing your pitch connect to the material, and you, on an emotional level. From experience, I can tell you: nothing makes a pitch more compelling than understanding why the person giving the pitch is PASSIONATE about their project.
Passion is contagious. The listener can't help but get emotionally invested in both the story AND the storyteller. This is what you want.
I suggest you tell a (very short, vivid, emotional) story of some kind, from your life. It could be a moment of change, or a moment when things were intense or new. Whatever it is, come at it from an EMOTIONAL point of view.
Then, tie that personal event or situation to the material. Use it to say: "this is why I care so passionately about this project." "this is why I understand these characters -- not just their minds, but their hearts.” and, crucially: "this is why I am the only person who can write this script. I get it.”
I've had some clients - at all levels - who struggle with this, because they have no emotional connection to the material. They came at it from the tack of: This is an idea I like, and I made the script well-crafted and polished. Can they skip this step?
Honestly, and genuinely, the tough-love advice is that this is a deeper problem.
Short term, use the suggestion above to navigate this as best you can.
Longer term? Your career will be better if you start writing great stuff that you are also deeply passionate about.
Last question. Paloma Riojas asked me: When you’re pitching, “With such a big task to cover in such a short amount of time, do you think pitches should be character /emotional first and plot second?”
Another great question, and one I get asked a lot.
The answer sounds like a bit of a cop-out, but it’s true, plot and character really need to go hand-in-hand. We need people we care about and want to watch, and we need to see them striving towards a goal, facing obstacles and setbacks, and making progress towards what they want. Without plot, characters are hard to root for. And without character, plot is meaningless and boring. It has to be both, every step of the way —
And that marriage of plot and character is actually… a great transition to what I want to talk about today, which is loglines.
The Logline
Loglines seem to be something you guys never get tired of hearing about. And it’s easy to understand why.
They’re a crucial part of a pitch. And, I think they are a really powerful tool for helping understand what your story is — not just for a listener, reader, executive or buyer — but also for you, the writer, as well.
And they’re HARD!
Trying to take a story that you’ve spent so many hours breathing life into, and reducing it down to a handful of words, is a real challenge.
One of the ways I know this is from the loglines that writers of ALL levels show me. So many of them are long, complicated, and confusing to a reader who isn’t already familiar with the story.
What To Avoid
Here’s an example from a student of mine, which I’m using here with permission:
“A caravan full of misfits rolls into a western town with a kaleidoscope of dreams and fears, but the mistakes they left behind set them on course for danger and revelation when a deadly accident forces them all to choose between the safety of home and the promise of the untamed frontier.”
What’s your first reaction to this logline? Did you get much of a sense of character? Or what the heroes want? Having heard it once, could you tell a friend the gist of what the story is about?
Take another look the logline. This time, read specifically for the main character or characters, and what they want in the story.
“A caravan full of misfits rolls into a western town with a kaleidoscope of dreams and fears, but the mistakes they left behind set them on course for danger and revelation when a deadly accident forces them all to choose between the safety of home and the promise of the untamed frontier.”
Beyond the western setting, what can you tell me about the show? Are you confused about what happens in the story?
I’m not using this example to make fun of this person. I’m using it because it’s extremely common to make this sort of mistake.
This comes up, oftentimes, because writers are attached to the subtlety and nuance of their story. It feels real to them, which I love.
In fact, this logline was based on a GREAT script. But you couldn’t tell that from the logline, could you?
The Buyer’s Point Of View
Now, imagine you’re an executive listening to a pitch. You don’t own the studio, you have a boss. After lunch you’re going to have a meeting with your boss, and she’s going to ask “What was that western pitch about? Should we buy it?”
Based on that logline, you wouldn’t be set up for success in convincing your boss to buy that TV show.
That’s the pitfall to avoid, what not to do, and why it matters.
So, then, what should you do?
A Better Version
Take a look at this:
An aging cowgirl with a tragic past fights to free her daughter from a sinister rail baron and his army of hired thugs.
How does that compare to the first one?
If you were an executive, which one would you have an easier time selling to your boss?
An aging cowgirl with a tragic past fights to free her daughter from a sinister rail baron and his army of hired thugs.
Why is that better? It’s not just because it’s shorter and less confusing, though that helps.
It’s also because it is focused on character and conflict.
That’s a key idea: the best loglines are clear, and they are laser-focused on character and conflict.
3 Part Structure
To make this happen, I suggest you write any logline around these three tentpoles:
Protagonist
Conflict
Goal
First, describe the Protagonist, with vivid adjectives (and no names!)
Then, describe the Conflict w/ a powerful verb
Finally, have a clear external goal we can understand and root for.
The Structure Applied
In my example above, the writer described the protagonist:
An aging cowgirl with a tragic past
then she described the conflict with a powerful verb
fights
then she described the goal, what the protagonist was fighting for:
to free her daughter from a sinister rail baron and his army of hired thugs.
(and, baked into the goal, is more conflict — but not too much more)
An aging cowgirl with a tragic past fights to free her daughter from a sinister rail baron and his army of hired thugs.
Word Choice
Three quick notes on word choice. Loglines are short, so every word should be well-chosen and loaded with meaning.
When you describe the protagonist, use an adjective that’s powerful, instantly understandable, compelling.
Is your protagonist desperate? Brilliant? Irresponsible? Troubled?
When you describe the conflict, find a powerful verb to describe the struggle or obstacle.
Strong verbs that may fit the bill: transforms, pursues, battles, overcomes. If the word you came up with is “tries,” see if you can come up with something stronger.
And third, talking about the goal, you want something clear and emotional. Something any human can understand on a gut level.
Revenge, Love, Power, and Survival make great goals.
If you’re struggling to find the right words to choose, it can help to put yourself in your protagonist’s POV. How are they feeling about the conflict and the goal? Oftentimes this question can lead you to the most powerful words and ideas.
Length
One last thing I’ll say before I wrap this up, which is: keep it short. Maybe one thing you love about your script is the nuance. Or the B story with the mining claim. Or the antics of the animated German shepherd sidekick.
That’s all great. Great stuff to have in your script, and great stuff to find a home for in the body of your pitch.
But it’s outside the scope of a logline, and anything you add takes away from the core thrust of the idea, and, ultimately, becomes confusing.
So keep that stuff in your script. Keep it in your pitch. Leave it out of the logline.
Putting it All Together
Now, we’ve talked about the general structure of a killer pitch. And we’ve drilled down a bit onto a few of the parts that give people the most trouble.
The question I often get at this stage is: “where do I go from here?”
In other words, how do you take these broad structural concepts, and use them to take your actual pitches to the next level? And we’ve only just discussed writing the pitches. What about the moment the rubber hits the road, when you’re actually asked to get up in front of a bunch of executives and actually say the pitch out loud?
How do you get better at all of that stuff?
Well, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t worry. I have answers for all these questions, and I’ll be sharing with you in the next video. I’ll give you a great blueprint that will help you take all these ideas and put them into action.
I love the opportunity to teach this stuff, because I know from experience just how powerful and transformative the skill of pitching has been for my clients and students. It truly is a great and under-valued tool that anyone, regardless of level, can benefit from sharpening.
I’ve been really enjoying the comments, too. So, if you found this video valuable, I’d love to hear your feedback. Scroll down and leave a comment about one thing I’ve presented here that you found interesting or useful.
Cheers,
Carole
