It’s All About Who You Know: 5 Simple Tips for Stress-Free Networking

In Hollywood, talent is important, but relationships build careers. As daunting as this can sound to an industry “newbie” it’s just a fact that people feel more comfortable hiring someone they know personally, or someone who is recommended by a trusted friend or colleague. The more people you meet, and have a genuine connection with, the more people who will want to champion your career and your work.

That being said, I know “networking” can be easier said than done. 

How do you actually go about having a “genuine connection” with people rather than coming off as a desperate schmoozer or a terrified wallflower? How do you meet “the right” people at networking events who would be willing to help you?

Here are 5 simple tips to help you network with confidence:

1. Stop trying to network, start trying to connect

I hate the word  “networking” it can bring up some pretty gross or intimidating connotations (personally it makes me think of slick, overly aggressive people who want something from me – or worse yet, I feel like I have to try and get something from them). Instead I much prefer the term “connecting. Try thinking of it as just trying to “connect” with people. When you meet new people and aim for connection you not only create a mutually beneficial relationship, you usually come across as more authentic. Why? Because you’re not worried about getting something out of someone, you’re just trying to get to know them. Sometimes this easy reframe makes all the difference.

2. Take the pressure off

Instead of walking into a networking situation with the goal of meeting THE person who will “make” your career NOW - take the pressure off. Relax, engage a few people in conversation, hopefully make an acquaintance or two, enjoy the free food, and call it a day. For one, Hollywood careers, like the Roman Empire, were not built in a day. It usually takes many small interactions with someone for them to want to read your work, let alone hire you or recommend you for a job. And two, you actually have no idea WHO will break your career. Most newbie writers go to a networking event gunning to speak to the most “connected” person in the room, but more often than not, people get help up the career ladder from their peers. There’s an Issa Rae quote I love that speaks to this perfectly: 

“We have to see the value in the people who are in the trenches with us, trying to build something. Think about it: Networking is all about you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, but how well can you scratch someone's back if he or she is already dominating the industry you're in?”

Which brings me to…

3. Think about “What can I give?” more than “What can I get?”

If you worry about coming across as overeager or desperate in networking situations, try this simple shift in attitude to “giving” rather than “getting”. Maybe you’re thinking, “But giving is counterproductive. Opportunities are scarce and I have to grab every one in my path if I’m going succeed in this town!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you let an opportunity slip by. I’m saying when you approach a new person with a focus on your talents potentially being the solution to their problems, rather than trying to convince them to hire you - you’ll be surprised by how many opportunities present themselves. Also, if you do find someone who needs what you have to give, it gives you a reason to stay in contact and follow up.

4. Actually listen

Almost everyone has experienced this situation at a networking event: You start talking to someone and just as you start to speak, the other person immediately scans the room to see if there’s someone “better” to meet. Don’t be this person, no one likes it. For one, it’s rude. But two, the person doing the scanning has instantly lost an opportunity to make a lasting ally in this business. Instead try actually listening and “connecting” with the person in front of you. Make the conversation “30% about you and 70% about them” Ask questions, be interested. It’s another way to make a genuine connection.

5. Be patient

Networking is a marathon, not a sprint. Relationship building isn’t something you should only do at the beginning of your career, it’s a process that can take decades. But, done right, it can make all the difference to your career, your creativity, and even your personal life.

If you want to learn more about networking like a pro, check out my book Hollywood Game Plan on Amazon or at Michael Wiese Productions (MWP).

What are your best networking tips and tricks? Let me know @CaroleKirsch!