GTFU, Part Three: Uncovering Your Emotional Energy Vampires & Fears
This is the third in a series of articles called "Get the F Unstuck©," based on my popular workshop of the same name. (The first article can be found here.) Of all the seminars I teach, "GTFU" is my absolute favorite, because I've seen it make a huge impact on the lives of all kinds of creative professionals, at all different points in their careers.
The purpose of this series is to give you powerful tools to help you uncover the things that are getting in the way of your creative and professional goals. In the past two articles, we focused on time, and I offered two specific exercises -- identifying your Time Sucks & Energy Vampires, and the GTFU Time Study, to help you get a clearer picture of the ways you're currently spending your time.
In the next two articles, we're going to move from the exterior to the interior, focusing on the way your emotions play a role in, and can get in the way of, you achieving your goals.
This Is Practical
Over the years, I've noticed a small but significant portion of my workshop attendees get a little uncomfortable when the concept of "emotions" are brought up. I think that might be because some people assume anything "emotional" is too touchy feely to be practical. But, that’s just not the case. In fact, for many people, these exercises end up being the most helpful in terms of their productivity and ability to achieve their creative and career goals.
The same way mindless activities, busywork and other distractions can suck our time and energy, our emotional blocks can sap us of our creativity and our ability to focus. In Hollywood and related industries, when something is successful it’s often because the creators have given it emotional authenticity. Viewers can relate to it on an emotional level, because it feels real.
Beyond that, we have to acknowledge that creating things for other people to watch, read, and judge, can cause us to feel extremely vulnerable. The things we make are judged, often harshly, and when they are, it's easy for us to feel judged as a person, too.
So, if you had to guess, what would you say is the number one EMOTIONAL Energy Vampire? The number one emotional block?
If you said FEAR, you’re absolutely right.
Fear
Here’s one of my favorite quotes from the groundbreaking choreographer and author Twyla Tharp:
"Distractions and fears are ... the habitual demons that invade the launch of any project. No one starts a creative endeavor without a certain amount of fear; the key is to learn how to keep free-floating fears from paralyzing you before you've begun."
Maybe the single biggest thing you can do to get the f*ck unstuck is to uncover and confront the fears that are keeping you from working at your best, highest level.
For me, there were two kinds of fear that were keeping me from finishing the book: Fear of failure, of course. But also, fear of success. I know that might sound weird, but if I succeeded how would my life change? I knew how to really want something and not get it. I knew the dance of trying, but not achieving, really well. If I succeeded, I would have to change that emotional paradigm, but I wasn’t sure how to do that.
Within the fear of success and fear of failure, there are what I call the “sub-fears.” Here's a few that have resonated with me and my clients over the years:
Fear of being judged,
Fear of disappointing someone important,
Fear of offending someone important,
Fear of finding out you’re an imposter and you’re not really talented after all
Fear that your creative endeavor has been done before and won’t be fresh or unique,
Fear that if you have reps, they’ll leave you,
Fear of revealing yourself,
Fear that you're not worthy or don't deserve success,
Fear of not getting any reward
Fear of asking for help,
Fear of taking the first step, aka paralysis
Just looking at that list, what jumps out at you? For most people, at least a few of these fears will seem familiar.
We sometimes think that our fears are impossible to get over. They’re too big. They’re innate to us as people, or to the kind of work we do. But this is definitely not the case. Fear can be understood and overcome. And the first step in the process is bringing the fears out into the open, where we can look at them in the light and process them.
Exercise: Uncovering Your Emotional Energy Vampires & Fears
Take out a sheet of paper (or open a new document) and, at the top, write:
Emotional Energy Vampires: Fear
Now turn off your phone and screens and set a timer for 5 minutes. Spend those 5 minutes doing some free association, stream of consciousness or “free writing”. Without analyzing or thinking about it too much, just jot down any fears you think you have. Spend the whole 5 minutes doing this, even if the first 3 minutes are just writing down: “I don’t know what the fuck I’m afraid of” “This is a stupid exercise”, etc.
Be honest. Knowledge is power.
In the next article, I’ll show you one effective way to confront those fears.
The Seminar
The content of this series of articles is drawn from one of my most popular worship series, Getting the F*CK Unstuck©. I'm excited to announce that, In August 2021, I'll be offering this workshop over Zoom for the first time. If you're interested, click here for more details. Have a look at my free e-book, Telling Your Story In 60 Seconds. And, if you think you'd benefit from one-on-one coaching with me, I'd love to connect with you. You can find more information on my private coaching packages here.